To them 

To everyone who looks at you,
To people who look out for you
To everyone who doesn’t pull you down
To everyone who pushes you forward
To everyone who laughed at something you said
To everyone who didn’t when you were the joke
To those who didn’t keep asking until you satisfied their curiosity
To those who did until they were satisfied that you’d be okay
To those who handed you your space
To those who held your hand

To everyone who makes it easier and to everyone who makes an effort
You need them all

To you,
who has people who care
and people who don’t care enough to make it harder.

-M

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Note to self: You’re good

Look at how you find relief in someone else’s wounds
How you read and read only to realise a happy ending isn’t your story
How you try to find approval from everywhere but yourself
How you don’t even remember how to live and every song, every consolation, every billboard, every person you pass on the sidewalk reminds you that you aren’t
How you look for answers from people who don’t have a clue
How you don’t trust your own experiences anymore
How everyone around you does the same and you believe that they know best
How they look at you sometimes,
enviously,
when you are busy counting your troubles.

No one ever gave you a measure that wasn’t a standard;
nobody told you that you didn’t have to contest in a competition that doesn’t end in happiness,
that doesn’t end in victory for anyone,
that doesn’t end, period.

I am telling you now, if it’s not too late
don’t look at me when I am showing you the best parts of my life,
don’t look at the story I edited,
don’t look at their fairy tales,
don’t look at them when they are looking at someone else.

Don’t rate your life as mediocre when you use someone else’s as the scale
Love the way you see fit and
fit yourself in your story, edit, add, scratch, delete when you feel like it

No one tells you how hard they have it
No one tells you how easily they can make you feel like you have it harder

So listen when I tell you, you have it good
You have it, you can change it, you can create a new you, you can make it or live it, you’re good.

The next time you compare, make sure it’s a comparison between your past and present, between your present and your goals
The next time you feel bad about yourself
use a mirror that doesn’t reflect anyone who isn’t you.

-M

Are you offended yet?

Taking offence is the measure to avoid something drastic, like influencing people or having an opinion or initiating thought-provoking debates or letting people talk or eventually killing people with ideas.
We can’t have that, can we?
So how do you take offence to prevent the opinion-apocalypse?
Here’s the complete procedure:

Step 1. Un-Zen yourself
Try to not be peaceful, that’s just harmful for you.
Try not being cool-headed, so that your mind is closed enough to not allow any of those very dangerous diseases called “new ideas” to sneak into your hot-head.
This is essential; if you can’t do this, then there is no way you can be the offendee.

Step 2. Stay angry, stay strong.
Think of things that make you really angry, and then relate those things with whatever or whoever is the potential offender.
Recall the time you were at the movies and a baby kept wailing and picture it all again, the baby crying, not softly at all, as you missed the not so insignificant scene of the movie, say the climax, and you sat right there, helpless and climax-deprived.
Are you angry yet?

Step 3. It’s always personal.
Remember, it might be a comment about the arrival of winter. Take it personally. It’s directed towards you and is downright hurtful. You could be Olaf, but that is not the point.

Step 4. Say it out loud.
Now that you are all offended and heated up, announce it. Declare the degree of offence you took in every way possible. Post about it, write about it, tell your friends, tell the world because let’s face it; everyone needs to know so that they can keep you happy by absolutely eliminating the offender.
Even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll always get the attention. Win-win!

Step 5. Don’t stop.
It’s not over yet, there is always plenty room for offence in your head. Sit back down, look for the perfect opportunity and pounce on it. Keep getting offended, it’s a commitment you see, once you start- you continue and eventually even the tiniest of things can get you all irritated and vexed.

It might be a new music video by a foreign band shot in your country, it has got to be stereotypical and an absolute cultural appropriation.
It might be a comment about intolerance in the country,
but that type of talk is completely intolerable in your country.

It might be a bunch of jokes, but don’t be fooled.
It is potentially culture-destroying, racist-sexist-vulgarity disguised as humour.
Kill it before the laughter spreads.

Spread the message and stay offended because offence is the new defence.

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#shittydoodlesbytheauthor

 

What do you know?

“It was supposed to be sunshine and smiles. It was supposed to be love, magic and happiness.”
“Was it?”
“Yes.”
“But it isn’t.”
“No.”
“How do you know, then?”
“I just do.”
“Who told you?”
“Everyone does.”
“Oh, it definitely must be true then.”
“Well, darkness and clouds aren’t really nice, are they?”
“Well, maybe it was supposed to be rain, tears and lemons?”
“No, I’ve never heard that before.”
“So, it must be untrue then.”
“But if you’re not happy then that’s NOT okay, right?”
“Isn’t it?”
“WHAT are you supposed to achieve then?”
“Exactly. It is the IDEA that drives you.”
“So, then happiness is the ideal condition.”
“It is.”
“Then why isn’t it constant?”
“Because life is not IDEAL.”
“Everyone says THAT.”
“That’s not why it’s true.”
“And you know that how?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then?”
“Just making conversation.”

Just making-up conversations, really.
There are so many ideas about life and like a million definitions and that is not even an exaggeration.
How can you be sure that yours is the right one?
Because people agree to it or mainly because you actually want to believe it?
Don’t look at me, I don’t have the answer either (I am just sitting here making people rethink everything about their life).
If you do, are you certain that it’s THE answer?

Just food for thought.

-M

Things you SHOULD know.

Forgive me if this is not funny, I am not a clown, comedian or Mamrie Hart.
So here’s what you should know.
you-should-know
1. You don’t know shit about life until you live on your own
Not that you suddenly know it all but if you thought living on your own, living on a budget, living on food that is NOT made by your mom would be easy, it’s NOT.
What makes it a learning experience is that you learn that people suck; it is not about you, it was never about you and it will never be about you. People around you are going to be mean, weird and so much better than you.
Wait, that was always the case no?
Well now when you hate your life, you won’t have your OWN door to slam to make yourself feel better.
But you can always rant about it on your blog.
Wait, you probably won’t have wi-fi to post it because THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME.

2. Nobody cares.
It’s true. No one truly cares about what you do, how you dress, who you are unless it helps or affects them in some way.
The amount of time you spent thinking about what will people think about you is the amount of time people spent thinking what you will think of them.
In simple words, you are stupid and you wasted your time.

3. Things do get better.
Always. They always get better. You get used to stuff and everything gets better.
Unless you are watching Game of thrones, it gets WORSE. You are doomed.

4.  People don’t listen.
Everybody’s there to just talk. Hence, you actually wasted your time and energy and all the fancy words you thought of when you were “sharing” your views. While you were doing that, they were just waiting for their turn to talk again. So learn to speak only when needed and learn to listen ‘cause people love that shit.

5. You can say ‘NO’.
Just say No to things that don’t make you feel good.
It is oddly liberating to refuse to do things that you don’t HAVE to do.
And it is really easy to say so.
So NO, I don’t really hate Justin Bieber and NO, I don’t have to like Salman khan because it’s the Indian thing to do.
Oookayyy.

6. If you stare, you won’t get away with it.
If you thought you could stare at people or to be specific just one person and that person wouldn’t notice,
YOU ARE WRONG.
People always know when they are being stared at; they just choose to ignore it most of the times. But when they don’t, you’ll always get caught and that’ll lead to an awkward series of moments involving you looking away, them looking at you, you making eye contact with them again and then hoping to die. So don’t do it. OR you could time your stares and look away before they know.
That’s all on today’s show on GUIDE FOR STALKERS; we’ll be back next week with on HOW TO BE A CREEP.
Stay tuned.

7. Having an umbrella when it rains doesn’t protect you from getting dirty, muddy feet or getting drenched or falling or getting splashed in your face when a car drives-by a puddle.
Thought you should know.

That’s all for now.
-M

People I absolutely LOVE.

 Two years ago if you’d have asked me that who do you hate the most I’d have said, EVERYONE.
Well nobody asked and I probably wouldn’t have said that but it sounded good for the content so… DON’T judge me!
But since then I’ve started understanding better, getting to know more people and enjoying life. I’ve met some great people who have restored my faith in.. well everything.
Where there are hundreds of pricks around me, there are those few (very,few) good souls that are just completely lovable.
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1. The pleasant people
Oh not the ones who are happy constantly and are so cheery that you wanna light ’em up. God no. Those people are creepy and a rare species. How can you be happy all the time. And your happiness isn’t even contagious.
I mean those noble hearted beings that are not BUTTHURTS. They are not offended easily. I, for one, am sarcastic at times and if you handle that well and laugh it off, you are officially on my list of favourite people. It is hypocritical that I easily get offended easily but I am not a butthurt so it’s fine. I guess.

2. The listeners.
“It was such a horrible day, I got into a fight with him and he was so mean to me.” “Oh you know once, I got into a fight too and this girl $3#! was mean to me too. It was horrible and then … jibber-jabber.”
Yeah, I called up to listen to YOUR story to just add an icing to the cake that has been this day. No go on, tell me, why didn’t she duct tape your mouth later so that you could just LISTEN to me. I am in rant mood, and I called you for support not to listen to your RANT. Shut up. So insensitive.
I love it when people are ready to just listen. Don’t give an advice, don’t start telling me your story, do all that later on, on your time, but for now just be there and listen. If you do that, I already love you.

3. The comfortable/self-satisfied people.
No, not like comfortable to sit on ’cause that would be a silly criteria. Also not those who lack ambition or don’t have a purpose. I mean those who are comfortable with the way they are. They don’t try too hard and are not wannabes. They are not overly impressionable and don’t try to be like others. You guys are just wonderful and a fresh change from.. well, from the entire teen-population.

4. The Cognitive ones.

The people who can talk about genuine issues and real stuff without getting way too passionate and aggressive about them are just truly cool. People who are not superficial or shallow. Who have depth in their thoughts and existence.
Who just excuse themselves from discussions that lack any substance whatsoever, especially that revolve around bringing people down. There’s way too much unpleasantness and I love the ones who don’t add on to it. These are the ones who engage you in sensible, worthy discussions.

5. People with a sense of good humour.
Well not jokers. But those funny people who genuinely make you laugh and smile. These people are a breath of fresh air. When you don’t have to pretend to like their joke and can take it when they are not funny. Usually an extension of pleasant people, but better.

6. The usually honest ones.
I get it, total honesty is unbearable. Just those people who give it to you straight when needed. Who honestly appreciate you, offer constructive criticism and give you the push you need by just being honest. But not those blunt jerks who have no control over what they say.
“Hey I aced that test.” “Well yeah obviously, that teacher is so partial towards you.”
This might be true, but you said it to my face, and tried to be a smart ass.
You should know that I already killed you in my head.
Like thrice.
In 3 different ways.
Way too violently.
You dead.
Yeah.

See, I love things too, not all about ranting and hating. I would say I could go on, but this pretty much sums up my list.
You think you fit in the list filling in all categories and are just that awesome?
Don’t be overconfident, I just hate over-confident people. Just kidding! (No, I am not).
That’s all for now.
Follow and share if you like it 🙂
-M

The proverbial-myths I’d like to break.

This is one of those times, where I feel strongly about something. Some sayings, some beliefs are downright stupid and mislead people! Don’t believe everything you read, experience is what counts and with what little experience I’ve had, this is what I’ve realised over time!
These are just my thoughts. Uncensored!
-Myths

1. Honesty is the best policy.
Whoever said this, did not take into consideration that if everyone adopted this policy, then it would all be chaos.
TOTAL honesty is the worst idea ever. There are situations where THAT honesty hurts feelings, creates barriers and destroys relationships.
Don’t agree with me? Try telling your kid that his sibling is your favourite child. Or better, try giving your friends a list of their habits that annoy you.

2. Always respect your elders/ with age comes wisdom!
Respect only those who deserve your respect. Age is not synonymous with WISDOM.
Respect your parents, respect those who you look up to..
Yeah sure, but no one can make me respect the ones who don’t respect me.
Before you get in a frenzy, mind you, not being respectful and being disrespectful are two DIFFERENT things.
So pardon me (or not) if you are mean to me and I don’t touch your feet. It’s a two-way street, and right now I wish someone driving a truck,rode over you on THAT street.

3. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Uhm.. No thanks. Maybe this saying was quoted at a time when enemies were cuter?
How suicidal is this thought?
If you desire to get demotivated, undermined and then ultimately turn into a pessimist, then my friend, do keep your enemies closer. And while you’re doing that why don’t you keep a knife under your pillow, wear a bracelet made of thorns, and keep a porcupine as a pet.

4. Do for others before doing for yourself.
How in the world are you supposed to help others when you can’t even help yourselves?
It is stupid to even think that you can inspire others when you haven’t accomplished anything worth getting inspired from.
People are inspired by your actions, not your words.
So first, get a grip, build a life, stand on your own feet then start helping others so that you are able to give your 100%.

5. There are only two types of people – Good or bad.
So I wanna help the poor and thus I am gonna rob the rich.
DUDE, you Robin Hood, but I can’t decide if you bad or good?
People unlike clothes, cannot be put into boxes. One cannot categorise people as good or bad. People aren’t black or white, they are grey.
Intentions are good or bad, the dress you are wearing can be lovely or disgusting, your taste can be excellent or horrible but people are complex.

I could go on, but that’s all for now.
If you liked this, do Follow and share 🙂
-M

Things you should NEVER do.

Here are some of the things you should never do or be. So stop it, stop it now!

atop

1. Be a jerk.
Be sensitive, be funny, be sarcastic even but don’t be a jerk!
Just so you know, it is not cool to say, “Hey you look awful today”, or “I don’t like the way you laugh”, Oh! “you’re such a loser”, or “I don’t like your haircut”.
YOU might find them funny, the other person doesn’t. I might just slap you for saying that. Is it justified? Then how are your rude comments, with no provocation whatsoever from the other side, justifiable?
Be a jerk all you want, but then don’t come running when you find out that all your friends hate you.

2. Talk about your fears.
On a serious note, no matter what, never share your fears with anybody. Maybe besides your immediate family.What you thought might be innocent conversation, will get exploited and also you might pass on your fears to others. If you do that, then don’t be surprised when you find a spider on your nightstand, or a rodent in your shoe drawer.
Ppshhh. Scared of a spider or rodent. Hah, how silly. Who might that be? Definitely not me.
FYI, I am afraid of chocolate cupcakes, Yeah THAT scares me, so come at me!

3. Pass personal comments.

Don’t EVER EVER comment on someone’s looks or clothes.
What do you know about their struggles?  How can you be so shallow?
It is downright hurtful.
“She is so ugly”, Well you look like a TURNIP.
There I said it. Now go and apologize to the turnip for being a disgrace to the family!

4. Be unapologetic.
Do not be afraid to admit you made a mistake. Say sorry, ask for forgiveness, be the bigger person.
Do it for yourself! It is a simple word.
Otherwise it just puts you in the JERK slash COMMENTER (Yes, that’s a word) category.
That reminds me, did you apologize to the TURNIP family yet?

5. Be clingy.
This is worse than being a turnip. “Oh hey. How are you? You never text anymore. Remember me naa? You’re so busy. Always I have to start the conversation. You busy? Can I call? Yeah of course you don’t have time for me. Made new friends eh? Let’s meet up. Oh you busy?”
Staaahhhhhhppppp!.
All what you said is the reason I don’t text you. Don’t make me block you. And by that I might mean that I will actually throw a block at you and then definitely say SORRY. ‘Cause I am that polite.

6. Be overly opinionated.
“Well I think corruption is over-rated”. “In my opinion, people who use the term BAE are stupid”. “Ew, red nail paint is so tacky.” “You watch cartoons? That’s so immature. Grow up!”.
I am sorry, when did the make you the KING of the world. Was it on the news and I missed it? Oh I should switch on The-nobody-cares-Channel? Oh sure lemme catch up!
Unless you’re a blogger, or the president, or an important person, or someone who is ASKED for an opinion, just don’t put your stupid brain on display. Nobody cares, and no one asked for it.
You, my friend, make the CLINGY ones look like angels!

Which according you is the most important of all? It’s the jerk one right? Yeah, there are just too many alive.
I am sure, there are many traits which you should never possess, but that’s all for now!
-M
P.S. Follow and share, if you like this 🙂

What I hate about Indian TV serials- Daily soaps!

If the title were what I love about Hindi TV serials, well then it would have just one bullet saying NOTHING.  Reality shows are a not a part of this rant, because lets face it, at least they are funny. But I have ZERO tolerance for HINDI serials.

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1. The “kind-hearted,village girl, desperately in need of a makeover, with a heart made of gold” protagonist.
While Miley Cyrus is out there shouting “NOBODY’s PERFECT”, this gal right here is busy making donations, fighting molesters, winning awards, cooking dinner. You know why? ’cause guess what HANNAH MONTANA,I’m a frigging angel. Yeah right, come at me mother-in-law, yell at me dear husband, treat me like shit but I am gonna sit here with my 5 Kgs of makeup and say absolutely NOTHING. At least not before the 105th time you mess with me, because now suddenly I am pissed and I won’t let you do that to me this time. NOT the 106th time! Okay? I have feelings.

2. The melodrama.
We have got copyrights for melodramatic characters and situations.
And also we have cartons full of glycerine and butt loads of bullshit.Enjoy!

3. The speed impracticality!
Or should I say the not-existent speed. It’s been 12 months since the girl first met the boy (and had a million spark-like moments), but right now the guy is “I feel like something has changed. Is this love?”
Naah,just seasons changed, the earth completed a revolution, your favourite Aunt is dead, you frigging changed your house, you are about to marry another girl and the girl is about to get married to another guy.
Now is the perfect time to realise you’re in love. Because screw logic!
What has changed is that your viewers realised that they wasted an entire year watching your show, and hopefully that changed your TRPs. Negatively!

4.The rich life
Yeah we celebrate every festival, host extravagant parties, wear jewellery all the time, go to bed fully clothed, wake up looking like Rebecca Black (Compliment? I don’t think so)

5. The sound effects, special effects.
The night sky shown, is a poster. The fire lit, is animated. The music is all we have to catch viewer’s attention. The songs we have played from a movie, is what we are gonna pretend sung in the lead actor’s voice ’cause our stars are just that multi-talented (Nuh-uh).

6.The Time-Period Leaps.
Well you started the show representing an era of 2013, now you take a 2 year leap it’s 2015.
Since the show isn’t working, let us take a 15 year leap, and change the storyline drastically, and then take a 20 year leap and have grandchildren as the leads of the show.
So now you are IN THE FUTURE. You better be flying by now ’cause it IS 2050 and if you are still walking on the ground, well you’re pretty useless, just like your show!

On a positive note,
Out of 250 on-air shows, there are just a few(Rishta.com, Everest, Seven, Khotey Sikkey) which re-enact real life or have a practical storyline. Just like Slumdog Millionaire doesn’t give a complete picture of India, similarly most of our daily soaps don’t do that either!
Wake up Directors, you guys are wasting everybody’s time and money.
I could go on, but that’s all for now!
-M
P.S. Please Follow and share if you like this 🙂

The BEST quotes I know!

I love a good quote, so here are a few. Although I have no clue who gave these quotes, but they are amazing all the same!

“If only closed minds came with closed mouths.”
I wish. If you don’t have an open mind and have already made tiny little judgements about everyone and everything, well then please MAKE NO SOUND.
At least not near me!

“You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.”
So all you douche bags, laughing as you watch people shatter, I see right through you.
Yeah, that’s right, it’s NOT funny when someone has a bad hair day, or when someone bangs their head on wall and then falls.
Okay that’s hilarious!

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
Well true that. If I had a dollar every time I saw an idiot jerk their head and claiming that they were right when they were NOT,
well then I wouldn’t need this blog, I’d have a million-dollar-website of my own.

Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
In the process of holding grudges, we do forget that we are further hurting ourselves and spending all our time being angry.
To all those who ever hurt me, I forgive you. I’ll let KARMA bite your ass, and may you suffer, and beg for forgiveness. Oh, but I DO forgive you!

“It is better to have your nose in a book than in someone else’s business.”
How right on is that? I might just use this as a sign board and hang it around my neck. Maybe then the world, my business and your BRAIN, will become better places.

These quotes make me wish I would have written them.
That’s all for now!
-M
P.S. Please Follow and Share if you like this 🙂